A crack fic about some latest happenings in the JE world. Have fun reading this short fic! :)



Headlines: An Osakan guy was accused of child abuse!

Two performers make out on live tv!

StarNEWS: A cute artist dyes his hair blond for the sake of his lover!

“Good evening, I’m Uchi Hiroki and you’re watching Johnny’s NEWS Report!”

“On to our headlines, an Osakan guy was accused of child abuse! Last November on Music Station, Kanjani 8 was invited to perform. The new Johnny’s group called Hey! Say! Jump will perform with them that day. The full NEWS will be reported by our field reporter, Hironori Kusano.”

“Last November, Hey! Say! Jump performed their new single, Ultra Music Power on Music Station. Kanjani 8 was also on that same program. When Kanjani 8 performed their new single ‘It’s my Soul’, the Hey! Say! Jump kids joined them halfway. Mr. Yokoyama Yuu, was accused with Sexual Harassment and Child Abuse. I’ve interviewed a witness on that day.

Nakajima: “We joined them after the instrumental part. I was on the right side of sempai (Yokoyama) and Chinen was on his left. He suddenly kissed Chinen on his cheek many times.”

Dou Mariko: “Kanjani 8, Hey! Say! Jump joined suddenly halfway.”

Yoko: “Yeah, I was so excited that I kissed him” (Chinen)

Dou Mariko: “Chinen-san, how did you feel about it?”

Chinen: “I was scared and kept giggling.”

Yoko: “really? Sorry about that.”

“A member of Kanjani 8 tried to explain Mr. Yokoyama’s actions.”

Subaru: “Well, we’re just playing with the cameras. And it’s just natural for us to kiss our kouhai or anyone in Johnny’s entertainment. It’s our form of love. Tacchon (Tadayoshi Ohkura) and Yassan (Yasuda Kei) looked like they were doing something in our concert on one of the prefectures.”

“In relation with our interview with Mr. Shibutani Subaru, I’ve also asked him about his ‘making out’ with Mr. Ryo Nishikido.

Subaru: “As I’ve told you, we’re just playing around with the cameras. We’re the only Johnny’s group that can do that in front of the camera.”

Ryo: “I’ve been with them for many years now and they knew the person whom I really love the most. Yoko already kissed Hina (Shingo Murakami) on the lips in front of the camera. There’s no malice about it.”

“That’s all, I’m Hironori Kusano, reporting.

Uchi: Thank you Kusano! And well, go now to our StarNEWS!”
A cute artist dyes his hair blond for the sake of his lover. KAT-TUN member Junnosuke Taguchi surprised the whole Johnny’s world by sporting a blond hair. We’ve interviewed his rumoured ‘lover’ Ueda Tatsuya.

Ueda: “He didn’t do it for me. He was chosen to play a playboy, Swiss ambassador’s son on a drama that’s why he needed to dye his hair. And I don’t care what he wants to do with his hair.”

“We’ve also interviewed Mr. Taguchi to answer our questions.”

Junno: “I did it for him (Ueda) and then the drama followed. He always ignores me for his idol. The episode four of the drama (Yukan Club) was dedicated to him. I really hoped that he would treat me like Kanna-san.”

“When asked about why did he dyed it blonde…”

Junno: “Gackt-san was blonde before right? I thought by dying it blonde, Ueda would notice me.”

That’s it for our StarNEWS. We want to apologize for the typographical error on the screen on the interview with Mr. Shibutani Subaru. Yassan was the nickname of Mr. Yasuda Shota and not Kei. Ms. Yasuda Kei was a former member of Morning Musume. Again, we apologize. This is Uchi Hiroki and you’ve just watched Johnny’s NEWS Report!”

Director: “CUT!!!”

Uchi: *Dialled a number* “Kusano?... Yeah…. 8pm… got that… I’ll wait for you… ja!”


The next day…..

FLASH REPORT: “Two former NEWS members who got suspended because of drinking while they are still minors, caused a ruckus yesterday at a bar due to over intoxication of alcohol.”

The End